Well, it seems he has reached that stage of his development. He is going through separation anxiety. Currently, at almost 9 months old, he is very attached to Mommy. He has not shown as having as much issue with Daddy (aka me) disappearing. I 'm not entirely certain how i feel about this.
On the one hand, as a direct result of this preference, i am a little more free to do things and not really needing to worry about a small human clinging to me at all possible times. I feel for my wife, really i do. It can be a bit of strain. This neediness carries itself like a double edged sword. There is no greater joy and there is no greater frustration. His preference for mater versus pater does give my wife one advantage, i tend to have to do more household stuff 'cause the imminent meltdown threat (of course, this is not really that much of an advantage).
I know there is a reason for the separation anxiety. I remember reading about it, learning about it. Somehow books don't really capture the experience.
Now, on the other hand, i try not to take it too personally that he wants Mommy more than me. This is hard yet slightly easy, in a weird paradoxical way. I try not to buy into the whole masculine mindset stereotype, i.e. tough, stoic, etc. etc. stuff, but i find there is some residual truth to it. On one level, i totally accept and don't feel any emotion sting from his preference. I am guessing this comes directly from the "Unnh Me Man Me No Care" primordial part of the brain (which ever part that may actually be). On a deeper level, and i suppose this is the Paternal Part of the brain, i feel a sense of anguish and rejection - which is a direct reflection of my love for my son. After all, if i didn't love him i wouldn't care if how he reacted to me. This deeper part of this exerience wasn't there before my son.
Logically, i can tell myself that it's only a phase and it won't be forever. Abstractly, i can identify the theories about the reasons and purposes of this experience. I can evaluate it on clinical level and acknowledge it's status as being benign. These cold hard rationales can keep me grounded and not let me feel what it feels like and keep me overly safe.
But i would be utterly lying to myself if i accepted them as absolutes and allowed no quarter for presence of my emotions. I would be doing far more damage, definitely to myself and probably to my son.
The reality is that these are little paper cuts of existential turmoil. They hurt like hell but they heal pretty quickly. I cannot harbor them. I cannot hold these rejections against my son (and i feel sorry for anyone having been in my experiential position as actually place blame on one so young for these rejections). He's too little to understand adult level of emotions. He's just trying to make sense of the world.
Others may feel bad that he overtly favors my wife over me. They would seek to comfort and attempt to soften how this might sting. I'd rather they didn't. I rather it wasn't denied. I know and accept that this is simply what it is. There is no malicious intnet by his actions (he's too young for malice). If anything, this reinforces two things for me: 1) my unconditional love for him and 2) brings my feelings to the surface so they can be felt and fully experienced.
My time will come. It is part of the process. Father and son will find a way to bond. This whole separation anxiety thing is just priming that bond.
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