What A Difference... (The Return)

...a few years make.

I was just ready one of my earlier blogs, from when my son was 9 months old.  Hard for me to believe that he was that old or that small.  He is now 3 1/2 and what a difference.  He has personality.  He has likes and dislikes.  He has a sense of humor.  He has an imagination, what an imagination.

My time has come now (if you go back and read that blog, you will understand better).  While he still wants Mommy often, he has now gotten more attached to me.  It is awesome.  He is more into what i am about.  He has truly become, and you'll forgive the overused expression here but it is true, my Mini Me.

This has been building over time, now that i think about it.  He can roughhouse with me (within reason) but not with Mommy.  I can be a certain type of silly that appeals to his child mind (probably because my child mind is still quite active).

It has certainly picked up the pace a bit recently.

It happened just a little while before my girls were born.  My wife was not as able to do things with him, which meant it was up to me.  After my girls were born, i had to (and currently continue to) handle a lot of the things that my wife and i would both do with him, like bath time.  More often than not, my wife would have to go off and take care of the girls and i would be left in charge of him.

As a result, we have gotten a lot closer.  I do bath time with him because it tends to intersect with when the girls need to be fed.  Sometimes, my wife will have to work late and so i will have to prepare his dinner and deal with the challenges that creates.  Because the girls were way too little for such an outing, i would often take him on outings like food shopping while my wife would stay home.

All these activities encouraged the strengthening of our bond.  He has helped me grow as a parent (so far).  I have begun to take a larger role in his life.  Wait, i have always had a large role but now it has deepened.  Circumstances have fueled this deepening.  It probably would have happened anyway but the advent of the girls and having to share us (my wife and i) with them has sped this up.

I recently went on Family Leave to "bond" with my girls like i did with him.  I am now in the third (or is it the fourth?) week.  I am taking the full 12 weeks, like i did with him.  Prior to taking this time, i had conceptualized that it would be all about them.  Or at least, that was the base of my conceptualization.  I really had no real idea of what was going to happen.  I knew it wasn't going to be like before (and so far, that has been right).  For some reason, i was kind of forgetting a certain part of the equation, a piece that is so obvious now, i can't believe i was overlooking it.

I didn't realize what my being at home would do for me and my son.

I didn't realize how much it has reconnected me to him.

I hadn't realized that i had become disconnected in the first place.

I had a slight case of tunnel vision and i erroneously was thinking that my taking leave from my job would not have much of an impact or affect much with him.  Thankfully, i was wrong.  And continue to be so.

My Family Leave has been also about my son, too.  Yes, i am "bonding" with the girls but it is my son that is truly gaining more at this time.  When i took leave last time, he was not much different from how the girls generally are now.  This leave time is about getting in touch with their routines and what works well for them. It is about the sleepless nights.  It is about the spit up.  It is about the trying to figure out how to coordinate things, how to strategize, and how to establish the logistics of feedings, outings, etc.

It is not intentionally about my son but this is the unintended consequence.

I have become a force in his life.  I have gained authority.  My importance has increased.  I am becoming more of a father to him.  This Leave is teaching me more about how to be his father than anything else.  It is sad that this Family Leave time does not acknowledge the legitimacy of this type of bonding, which i think is actually more fundamental and important.  I am thankful for this opportunity and truly spending so much time with him has been a bonus.  I am getting to know him better.  I am consistently struck by the irony.  The technicality of the Leave excludes him and i was focused on the unpredictability of what was in store for me regarding my girls.  There is still that unpredictability but my role in my son's life has become more certain.

I am constantly learning.

He continues to teach me.

This whole experience is so open and unfolding, i really don't know what to make of it.  All i can think is that i have a good teacher.